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JUST KIDDING!


Bye!


For those of you getting this entry by an RSS reader, I'm now redirecting this blog to http://gospellivingmadeawesome.com. I have too many blogs. I'm combining them all into the one. I'll still blog about dating, it will just be mixed with other stuff for awhile.

See you on the other side!

Chas

The worst date you've ever had

Everybody's got a favorite worst date story. Tell us yours! Be sure to change names in order to protect the guilty :D

Marrying a Mom for My Kids

Okay, so that title may make it sound like I had kids before I was married. I didn't. But when I was dating, it was important to me that I find a girl who would be a good mother for my future children. I suppose you can never really tell for sure before a person has their own children what kind of parent they'll be, but there are some pretty good indicators - I won't list them here, unless you want to go further into that, I'm just saying you might want to place that factor higher up in what you look for in a spouse. What kind of parent would they be?

Being a dad has been a whole new experience for me. I've discovered good and bad aspects of my character I never could have anticipated before having kids of my own. It's not easy, and it's not always fun, but (sorry, I know this is SOOO cliche) it's so incredibly rewarding. (See my daddy blog for some of my adventures in parenting). I'm not saying I was one of those hard guys that was never big on kids but somehow ended up with some and that they softened him - actually, I was a weird nerdy kid who loved babysitting, playing with little kids instead of friends, and tried numerous times throughout the early years of my career to get a job working at a day care. Unfortunately, they don't like hiring guys to work with little kids. The chauvinistic little... but I'm not bitter...

And I love having kids, but I can tell you - it's not easy, and it makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD having a spouse who loves being a parent. Jenni is INCREDIBLE that way. While all her friends complain about needing "me" time, she starts missing the kids if she's from them for more than a couple hours. I feel like it's because of her that I LOVE being a parent. 

Sure, she'll probably be a blubbering mess when they start going off to school - but that's exactly the point. She loves being a mom. She can't stand the thought of someone else (besides the two of us) raising her children, and she's determined to teach them the gospel of Jesus Christ so completely that they won't misunderstand it. They will know the gospel, and by the way she teaches it, I think they'll love it - they certainly do so far. They already love the Savior, and when I see how much she loves the kids, it's so sweet and so beautiful that it just makes me love her even more.

Find someone who will be a good parent to your children - it will pay you back again and again and again.

Three Great Dating Talks

The BYU Speeches website is featuring some awesome talks about love and dating. We've talked about the one by Elder Holland called, "How do I Love Thee?" but the other two we haven't shared on this blog before.

Enjoy!

Ten Keys to Successful Dating and Marriage Relationships by Hugh W Pinnock

"Your futures depend on the present. Live life well today. Life passes quickly. Let us not be guilty of hoping that someday we will become happy and contented, after college or after this next semester or after this next test or after this date tonight or after the bills are paid or after the kids are grown or when we are retired. The good will always outweigh the bad--let me say that again: The good will always outweigh the bad."

 Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Celestial Marriage by Bruce A Chadwick

I realize that not all will have the opportunity to marry in this life, but, with faith and courage, most will. And eventually all righteous men and women will share these blessings. It is estimated that 95 percent of all Americans have been married at least once by age 45. Please don't wait until you are 44 to seriously pursue marriage. Social research reveals that marrying in the 20s somewhat increases marital happiness and reduces the likelihood of divorce. I promise you that if you pursue marriage and family life with sincere intent that the Father will bless you to eventually achieve this blessed state.

How Do I Love Thee? by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

If you are just going for pizza or to play a set of tennis, go with anyone who will provide good, clean fun. But if you are serious, or planning to be serious, please find someone who brings out the best in you and is not envious of your success. Find someone who suffers when you suffer and who finds his or her happiness in your own.

Whoah! Check HER Out!

There's no doubt that physical attractiveness is an important part of finding a dating partner (though perhaps not quite as important as we sometimes make it out to be), and we should look for someone we find attractive. But sometimes we use that idea as an excuse to think inappropriate thoughts or let our eyes wander where they shouldn't. I can't speak for girls, but I know for guys this is a real challenge. It takes a great deal of discipline to keep our eyes from wandering where they shouldn't. But we MUST develop that discipline. And the discipline you develop now will serve you well later throughout your marriage. Ultimately it's your thoughts that become the problem, and avoiding letting your eyes wander will help you immensely in avoiding unworthy thoughts.

So where is the balance between noticing a girl's physical attractiveness and letting your eyes wander where they shouldn't?

I once heard a good rule that worked well for me, and I recommend it to every unmarried person. When it comes to checking someone out, stick with the head. Eyes, hair, face, that's all fine. Just don't go below that. Obviously, you'll know if they have an attractive body. You don't have to pan down or stare to figure that out. Just focus on the head, and you'll usually be safe.

After marriage, you trade being able to check out the attractiveness of any girls “head” for being able to check out your spouse head to toe all you want.

Chin up, Brother! (and sister)

A Plug for Institute

Okay, so the video's terribly cheesy, but the message is exactly right. If you are of Institute age (18-30), and haven't met your Bro/Sis Right, give it a go. You've got very little to lose, and so incredibly much to gain.


Did I mention Jenni and I met through Institute? And it wasn't just from attending - it was from attending AND going to the activities.

Just saying...

Unrequitedness: When Love Doesn't Love You Back

Unrequitedness

Jenni and I do a podcast in addition to this blog, called Popcorn and Podcasting, so we decided to answer a question with a podcast entry, so click the play button to hear it all. There was a comment on the last entry which included the request,

"I'd love to hear advice about being in love with your best friend and them not for you, but still want the friendship. Any advice would be great :)" - anonymous

Well, Anonymous, we hope this helps!

Sweet Ensign Articles

I picked up and old Ensign (April 2010) the other day and was looking though it. There where three articles in a row about marriage, not just about marriage about making that decision! I thought I'd share them with you guys. I've heard over and over again from Prophets and Apostles that the decision of who, when and where to marry is one of the most important decisions we will ever make. If that's so (it is!), then it makes sense that even though He won't make the decision for us, God will do all He can to help and guide us in that decision.

Confidence Tests: From Fear to Faith in the Marriage Decision.

This one's by Elder Wickman. He talks about the "confidence tests" he was put though as an Army Ranger in training. Things like climbing an ice covered rock face or slogging though an alligator infested swamp. I can see how my decision to marry was like a confidence test. When I think back on that time in my life I can see that Heavenly Father did guide me. That experience and others has given me a testimony that He will guide me in all my decisions. It also taught me how He guides me, personally, which is something I could only learn by experiencing it.

My favorite quote:

"As a part of this courtship experience, be careful not to base your judgments merely on what could be described as superficial “ticket punching.” By that, I mean do not base your decisions solely on whether someone has served a full-time mission or holds a particular calling in your ward. These things can be, should be, and usually are indications of devotion, faithfulness, and integrity. But not always. That is the reason you need to get acquainted. Know someone well enough to learn his or her heart and character firsthand and not just his or her “gospel résumé.”

A corollary is this: avoid being judgmental about someone until you get to know him or her. Snap negative judgments can be just as erroneous and misleading as snap positive ones. Be just as alert for a diamond in the rough as you are wary of fool’s gold."

Making Temple Marriage a Priority.

This one is the story of Vitaly and Katya two young Latter-day Saints from Russia. They tell about how they met, dated and decided to get married. They were sealed in 2006 in the Stockholm Sweden Temple. With only 20,000 members in Russia, it had to be difficult for them to find a worthy member to date and marry.

My favorite quote:

"Vitaly: Of course, it’s great to be married to someone you’re attracted to. But when our focus is solely on physical characteristics, we inevitably miss the most important characteristics—personality, spirituality, and other qualities that really matter in an enduring marriage."

Making the Marriage Decision

This one is written by several different young adults sharing the fears they faced and the faith they found in making the decision to marry.

My favorite quote:

"Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. ‘Cast not away therefore your confidence.’ Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.”

Be Prepaaaaaaaaaared!

No one can be completely prepared for marriage, but there are a lot of things you can to to be as prepared as you can. Focus on what you can control. You can't control what a particular girl or boy is like, or how they feel about you, but you can certainly control what kind of person you are. (This list is in no way exhaustive and not in order of importance.)

Before you're engaged (you can start doing these thing before you even start dating!)

Go to church, regularly.

Get the spiritual basics in everyday (scripture study & prayer)

Learn homemaking skills, cooking cleaning, fixing. This goes for the guys too.

Learn how to manage money & learn to live frugally, even if you don't have to.

Learn to listen and follow the spirit. This is essential for finding your future spouse as well as life after marriage.

Learn to communicate. Duh!

Learn to serve others. If you haven't learned this by the time you get married, it will be harder to learn after. If you haven't learned it by the time you have kids, they'll teach you by force!



Things to do after you're engaged

Continue to do all of the above, personalized toward your spouse

Talk, talk, talk! Talk about everything with your future spouse.

Plan more than the wedding. Plan mostly for the marriage!


What are you doing or did you do to prepare for your marriage?

Worthy Thoughts

I've always loved this analogy.