Enjoy Life NOW!

No matter what stage of the dating game you are in, you can thoroughly enjoy life. Your happiness is not dependent on your marriage status. If you are a happy unmarried person, you will be a happy married person. If you are a depressed single person, you will be a depressed married person. Don't wait for happiness to come to you. Make it now.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland and his wife, Pat, speaking on this subject, said:

Jeff: Quite apart from the matter of school or missions or marriage or whatever, life ought to be enjoyed at every stage of our experience and should not be hurried and wrenched and truncated and torn to fit an unnatural schedule which you have predetermined but which may not be the Lord's personal plan for you at all. As we look back with you today, we realize we have probably rushed too many things and been too anxious and too urgent for too much of our life, and perhaps you are already guilty of the same thing. We probably all get caught thinking real life is still ahead of us, still a little farther down the road.

Pat: Don't wait to live. Obviously, life for all of us began a long time ago--twenty-two years longer for us than for you--and the sand is falling through that hourglass as steadily as the sun rises and rivers run to the sea. Don't wait for life to gallop in and sweep you off your feet. It is a quieter, more pedestrian visitor than that. In a church which understands more about time and its relationship to eternity than any other, we of all people ought to savor every moment, ought to enjoy the time of preparation before marriage, filling it full of all the truly good things of life--one of the most valuable of which is a university education.”
Pat and Jeffrey Holland, BYU Speech, 15 January 1985

That doesn't mean being grateful that you're not married, but it does mean being happy anyway! Besides, doing so will make you much more attractive, and increase your chances of finding someone.

Premeditated Dating

I remember back in the awkward days before the awkward days of dating, we had the DARE program at school. We talked about how to say no to drugs and alcohol. We practiced saying no in different ways and even role played saying no in different situations. We learned that it's easier to stick to your decisions if you've thought about it beforehand and made your decisions already.

That works with dating too. Make your decisions about dating now. Take some time to study the scriptures and the words of the living prophets about dating. Think about what kind of spouse you want, what kind of spouse you want to be, what kind of relationship you want with your future spouse. Then think about what kind of things need to happen (or not happen) with your dating to get those results. Draw a line that you will commit to NEVER, under ANY circumstances cross, especially for physical affection.

In the BoM we meet a guy named Lehonti, who had thought about what he wanted. He had made his decision that he would never leave his safe place. But just thinking about it and making the decision wasn't enough. You have to actually follow though. In the end, Lehonti allowed himself to be convinced that he would still be safe if he left his safe place. Idiot! Right? Well, I've seen it happen too often in dating. Don't do that to yourselves!!

Speaking of Dating, Let's Do! (Speak, that is - about dating)

We decided to do a co-post this time – a conversation, rather than an individual post. 

Enjoy!


Jenni: So what should we talk about?

Chas: I don't know. What do you want to talk about?

Jenni: How about our first date?

Chas: Sure.

Jenni: One of the things I remember is that it was a unique date – not dinner and a movie, or bowling (which are also fun, but it gave me a good first impression about you.)

Chas: Yeah, and it wasn't extravagant or costly. We just had a group date picnic in a park, and then went to my house to play games, but some of the others ditched us, so we just gabbed on the front lawn until it was time to go home.

One of the things that impressed me about you, and made it a ton easier on me, was how when I dropped you off, you said, “That was fun. Let's do it again sometime!”

I think I responded something like, “I'll see to it!”

The reason that was so great was that I didn't have to stress at all about whether or not you would be willing to go out again. You'd told me right there that you wanted to, and it wasn't in any way too forward.

Jenni: And it was easy for me! I didn't have to worry about sending signs or hints and having them misunderstood. I REALLY wanted you to ask me out again so I made sure you understood that.

Chas: Yeah, and I REALLY wanted to ask you out again. With most girls, the drive home after the date was always torturous, because I would stress and weigh everything that was said, done, thought – so that no matter how great the date went, by the time I got home I was sure I had bombed it. But the ride home after our first date felt great!

Jenni: I was really glad, months later, when you asked if you could kiss me instead of trying to subtly tell me or just moving in. You just asked, “Can I kiss you?” That made it SO much easier to tell you no!

Chas: Yeah. If I had just gone in for the kill and been brushed off, I might have thought you didn't like me. Instead, you simply said something like, “I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.”

The fact that you said, yet, meant I just had to be patient. If I hadn't asked, you wouldn't have answered, and it would have made for an uncomfortable situation for both of us.

Jenni: The rest of the date would have been super awkward, if we hadn't talked like that. Since we did, the rest of the date was great! You felt good because you knew that I still liked you and would probably let you kiss me someday, and I felt good that I hadn't been pressured to go further that I felt comfortable.

Chas: The funniest part about that day was that as we walked away from the scene, we passed a big wall with graffiti that said, “REJECTED!!!”

Jenni: LOL! The fact that we both laughed at that was awesome!

Chas: Oh, boy! Can you imagine how our relationship would have been if we didn't laugh at almost everything?

Jenni: It could have been a major breaking point for our relationship.

Chas: Instead, it became a great inside joke!

Jenni: Which we're now sharing with all of you!

Laughing has done a ton for our relationship. Being able to laugh at the silly, awkward things that we did – and still do.

Chas: Yeah. I've noticed that even on a horrid day, when the kids are driving us both bonkers, if one of us can just find one thing to laugh at, it dominoes into a much better day.

Jenni: And we've got a lot of great things to laugh about from when we were first dating. Like my little tongue move! :)

Chas: LOL!

Just to clarify to all you out there – no, she's not talking about French kissing. Jenni licked a pole on the playground in mid-winter. Just like in the Christmas Story. We can testify it really works!

Jenni: It hurts too! I did so many dumb things to try to impress you.

Chas: And they worked marvelously! Like the time we got a couple waters with straws. We were walking through an outdoor mall, and suddenly I was hit in the side of the face with a straw-full of water! You can guess where it came from. It started a water fight. Good times!!!

Jenni: That was fun! We should do that again sometime, we can even teach the kids how!

Chas: Okay, but next time I'm bringing a Jamba Juice straw.

Jenni: That's ok, as long as I get Chunker on my team, I think he's the slobberiest of the kids. He probably wouldn't even need a cup of water!

Chas: AWESOME!

Applying Conference

I thought it would be fun to read through some of the talks from General Conference last week and see what I could find that applied to dating. I found this quote right away from President Uchtdorf's talk in the Priesthood Session.

"... I learned that patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn't appear instantly or without effort.

There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

-Pres Uchtdorf (http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-20,00.html)

I know that some of you feel that your righteous desire to be married has been delayed. Let Pres. Uchtdorf's words encourage you to stick with it and keep doing all you can. As he says later in the talk, "Looking back, I know for sure that the promises of the Lord, if perhaps not always swift, are always certain."

Did you hear anything in Conference that applies to dating?

Confessions of a "Gorgeous" Girl

First of all, I'm not gorgeous. I don't even know how to spell that word, I had to copy and paste it from Chas' post. You can't trust Chas' judgment of my looks, because he's in love with me. Also, I'm sure that if he had known about the grumpy slug I turn into when I'm pregnant, he may have had second thoughts about marrying me.

Second confession, I don't know much about dating. I didn't like dating much, so I didn't date very often. In fact, Chas was the first guy I went on a date with more than three times. Ironically, I didn't have to turn guys down very often, because not very many of them asked me out. I'm absolutely sure that I was guided by Heavenly Father in my courtship with Chas. Otherwise, I may have just turned him down after the third date out of fear.

Because I didn't date much, I was fairly sure that I would never get married. I had a mission and a career all planned out. I'm so glad things didn't work out the way I had planned! I LOVE being married!! I am living proof that you don't have to date a lot or be good at dating to get married. I believe that the best way to get married is to trust in God and follow the promptings you receive. Heavenly Father loves all of His children. He has commanded us to get married. I don't believe He would give us a commandment like that unless He intended to help us do it. Just like He helped Nephi build the boat, He will help us get married. He has been helping people get married for a long time. I would say that He is the ultimate expert on dating. If you want the best dating advice, go to Him.

- "Gorgeous" Girl

Who writes this blog, anyway??

You've probably all heard the quote that claims that any man who reaches the age of 25 without being married is a menace to society. I don't know if that quote came from Brigham Young, Steve Young, or Steve Martin, but it's not true.

Jenni and I have been married since 2004, and we're both ecstatic to be out of the dating game. But feeling horrible pity for all the menaces out there doing their best to graduate from the singles ward, we've taken it upon ourselves to blog what we observed in our dating years, good and bad (and sometimes quite ugly), and offer whatever help we can to those who are still in the game.

This blog might not make much sense to those who aren't LDS (Mormon), but it may give you insight into our Mormon culture, as well as perspective on our approach to dating and marriage. Just to tell you up front, Jenni and I stand by the Church on every issue. Every issue. So if you want to ask us to dog on the church, you can - but we'll just dog on you instead. :D

You may be asking, "Who's this guy? What makes him think he can tell me anything about dating?"

Well, Jenni will have to come up with her own credentials, but I can easily tell you mine: I'm a goofy looking guy, and I married an amazingly hot girl. That's about it. I don't know about you, but when I was dating, I never looked to hotties for advice on how to get someone to go on a date with me. "Easy for you to say..."

I, for one, look like a dork, and Jenni is gorgeous - she's absolutely beautiful! The incredible thing is, she has the personality and spirituality to match.

If someone as ugly as me can marry someone like that, then any of you out there can do it, too. I can tell you, it was a bumpy ride for me, but it was well worth it. Jenni and I LOVE being married. Even with our three kids and their midnight barf-offs.

Anyway, we hope you'll participate in these discussions. We don't have all the answers, but if you are all willing to give input and share your tips with everyone, we might jointly be able to come up with quite a few answers!

- Goofy Guy